why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
