Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
