alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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