everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
