what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
