the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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