i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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