so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
