Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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