my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
