When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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