Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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