whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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