The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
