I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
