Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
