Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
