she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
