apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
