So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
