I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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