the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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