How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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