He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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