I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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