im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
