What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
