i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
