Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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