But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
