I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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