Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
