You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
