fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
And then he peed in my hair
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