Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
