My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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