true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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