I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
