im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
