you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My vagina is very pro this idea
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
