i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My penis needs a shock collar
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
