i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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