Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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