Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
