so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
