Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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