just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
