its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
