Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
