I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
