I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
