I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
