Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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