I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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