He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
