I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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