You work out of a Hotel?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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