last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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