Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
