I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
