she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
