It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
