we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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