I think my fart just growled at me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
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Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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