And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
