just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
