um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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